Sitting at home on the couch

What a fun way to end the work week.  NOT. 

I took my second dose of cytotec last night around 7:30p.  Maybe 2 hours later the cramping got going pretty good; we were watching a movie.  By the time it went off at 9:30p Stephen was super tired so he begged off to go to bed.  I was a little hurt by that, but hey, he works 2 jobs.  I took a cat-nap until 11:30p when the phone woke me up - Momma calling to check on me.  She told me that her dog, Angel, has been vomiting and having watery diarrhea.  Sounds like parvo, but she's already had that so she shouldn't be able to get the virus again.  Momma told me to call her if my pain got bad enough that I needed some company.  She had to work today.

I was in here on the couch from about 12:30a to 2a by myself crying from the pain and feeling oh so alone; my husband is in the next room sleeping like a baby, my mom is down the street sleeping worrying about her dog and I'm on my couch in the living room wishing to God that someone would come to me so that I wouldn't feel guilty about ruining another person's night's sleep.  The pain was excruciating.  Nothing like the "contractions" I felt last time that were bad by themselves, but minuscule compared to this.  I literally felt like my uterus was being brutally ripped from my body.  I wouldn't help but cry like a baby; hold my stomach, rocking and crying like a little girl. 

Thankfully Stephen woke up around 2a and stayed with me, coaxing me to take some oxycontin that Momma had the foresight to bring from Daddy's medicines (for the "bone pain" associated with multiple myeloma).  I was against taking it at first because I've never taken pain medication before and somehow dulling the pain during such an emotional time didn't seem right.  But I was getting lightheaded from all my breathing and crying every time a contraction hit - it seemed as though they were getting more severe.  I finally gave in.  It helped.  The pain was still there, of course, but now at a tolerable level.  I was able to sleep for about 20minutes in between running to the bathroom to pass clots (sorry for the graphic detail, but this isn't a pretty experience therefore doesn't qualify for pretty descriptions).

By about 5:30 I still hadn't passed the sac so I decided to lay down in bed to get some semblance of actual sleep.  I woke up at 9 to more horrible cramping, took another pain pill and here I am at 2 o'clock in the afternoon: still in pain, still bleeding, and still not done with all this.

I prayed last night that the next time I have to go through this type of pain that I actually have a healthy, full-term baby to hold afterward.  I hope that God hears this prayer, but it's a little hard to be optimistic at a time like this.