A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with.
Not the most flattering picture in the world, but hey. I feel like it exemplifies a little about what this entry is supposed to be about.
That's "The Megan" and I tubing (duh) at Hyco Lake a couple of years ago. Believe it or not, that's my first time tubing (sheltered, I know). I know that tubing is pretty low on the "crazy things" list but I'm a pretty boring person. Either way, since we've been friends we've had a lot of "firsts" together: from weddings, tubing, wake-boarding, 2 pregnancies, 1 miscarriage, fights with the hubbies, her LPN graduation when her family couldn't be here, to dreams about being pregnant at the same time and starting a business together.
Megan and I have had a few problems since we've been friends...some of which you've gotten a glimpse of since I began this blog. But I am proud to say that we've stuck it out. Our friendship has evolved, I think, over the past couple of years - we are not quite the giggly girls planning a wedding or out shopping every other weekend we used to be. Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty of giggles and shopping, but it's more an afterthought than it used to be.
Megan being pregnant seems to be our biggest "problem" yet. Now as I've mentioned before I'm not angry at her for being pregnant; I am abundantly happy for her and derive great joy out of buying things for my God-child (that is a self-appointed title, by the way). But I have also admitted before that my wound is still fresh and it hurts sometimes to see her rubbing her baby bump or see her post pictures and comments on Facebook. This last part comes at great embarrassment for me because it makes me think that I'm not as strong as I had hoped to be. But even more than that, I'm scared as hell that she'll catch wind of it because with all my heart I do NOT want her feeling guilty for such a blessing. And I hate that we've become more distant since all of this began but I know that we both play a part in it. Knowing Meg like I do, I wonder if she does feel a little guilty sometimes or if she senses my withdrawal and responds in kind. I guess I'll never know for sure until she or I broach the subject. Obviously, I'm reluctant to do so. She'll probably get really angry, then sad and threaten or declare that she wants to move back to Minnesota and then give me the silent treatment/cold shoulder. Don't get me wrong, I know that she'll find this blog one day (if she hasn't already) but hopefully she'll know me enough and have enough faith in me to know that my feelings for her and our friendship haven't changed.
Megan, when or if you ever read this I want you to know that you are still one the best friends I've ever had and I love you...and my piglet! *wink*
P.S. - I know this entry will probably get me in trouble (I can feel it) but it does give me a sense of relief to talk this out. I swear though, I need to find something else to talk about! Good grief...
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