30 Days Of Jessica...Day 19

A picture of someone you'd like to trade places with for one day.

 

Okay...can you blame me for this one?!?  I mean seriously.  LOOK AT HER!  She's hot.  Here are some reasons I would love to be Jennifer Lopez for one day.

1) She's fierce. 

2) She has an enormous amount of confidence.

3) She has the respect of countless people.

4) Her body is rocking.  (I'd kill to have a butt like hers!)

5) Her hair and skin are fantastic.

6) I'm not even gonna touch on the money factor...that one would pretty much finish my list.

7) I have a mini-obsession with purses, shoes, clothes and she has an unlimited supply.

8) The places she's traveled, the places she can/will travel.

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Megan and I went to lunch together today.  It was nice spending time with her.  Sometime after we got back she called me at my desk asking if I was busy and had an exam room available and told me to bring my stethoscope.  I knew that the baby must have been moving and she wanted me to listen.  Of course, as my luck would seem to have it, after she layed down the baby calmed and stopped moving.  So I put my hand on her lower stomach and applied some pressure.  And the baby kicked!  It was a big one too for such a little thing (she'll be 20 weeks on Saturday).  I bet Piglet was like "What the hell is that big thing pushing in my space?!" (Meg is tiny and I have long hands).  Megan said that I was the first to feel it...another "check" on our list of firsts.  *wink*  I hate Bill didn't get to be the first to experience it, but it is still an honor to know that I was.

Talk to you later!

30 Days Of Jessica...Day 18

A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Like most women, I struggle with my weight and overall appearance.  I have some memories of receiving mean and crude remarks about my size in school and from a few family members, plus of course all the "beautiful people" that we females grow up looking at. 

I admit, though, that I'm extremely proud of my progress.  At the time of my marriage, I had lost 75 pounds.  Granted, at 140 pounds I think I was too thin for my frame and build.  I guess I just wanted to know how small I could get or what I would look like.  And you know something crazy?  I still wasn't happy with the way I looked.  I think I had an idea of what I would look like that small, but my body didn't look like the girls I admired on TV.  My stomach wasn't tight, my thighs weren't toned and my boobs!?  GONE.  Anyway, during my first year or two of my marriage I had gained about 20-25 pounds.  I had begun doing some mental exercises to help my self-image so that when I looked in the mirror I wasn't as unhappy.  I have since been trying to lose some of the weight again but I would like to get down to 150.  At 140, I couldn't eat what I felt like was enough.  I would like to be thin enough to to be comfortable in my clothes and feel sexy in just about anything I put on.  Luckily, God blessed me with a wonderful husband who makes me feel sexy no matter my weight or what I wear.  Hopefully I'll be able to catch up with him in his views of my body.

30 Days Of Jessica...Day 17

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

I know you guys are SO tired of hearing about my miscarriage, but hey...this is definitely something that has impacted my life in a major way.  Not only mentally and emotionally, but my work and home life as well.  Surprisingly, when I was google-ing ultrasound pictures this was the first one I looked at - the baby measures 5 weeks 5 days, when my baby stopped growing.  Weird, huh?  I thought so.

On a happier note Stephen told me today that we are no longer "not trying" to get pregnant.  I ain't gonna lie to you, that came as a bit of a shock but I was oh so happy to hear it.  We didn't hit the bulls-eye as far as timing goes but we were kind of close, so we'll see in a couple of weeks!  =o)  I'm nervous as crap, but in an excited kind of way like I can't wait.  I keep praying that when I do get pregnant again that 1) I go (at least close to) full-term and 2) the baby is healthy (who gives a damn about gender).  Wish us luck!

30 Days Of Jessica...Day 16 - plus a little extra

A picture of someone who inspires you.

I've tried for a couple of days to think of someone that I admire...someone who isn't a complete cliche.  So I've decided that there are characterics about a lot of people that I admire.

• I admire Tammy D's "balls."  She has no qualms telling you what she thinks of you, but is big enough to apologize when she over-steps.
• I admire my mom's strength and good-naturedness...no matter the situation.
• I admire women who are confident in their looks and body.
• I admire people who sacrifice their wants and needs for their loved ones or the betterment of society.
• I admire Stephen's work ethic.
• I admire Nathan's layed-back style.
• I admire people who overlook their fears to chase their dreams.
• ...and many more.

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Momma and Daddy spent the day at Duke so he could have his EKG, PFT, echo, etc.  Then tonight I went over there so that Momma and I could over the "calendar" and decide which days each of us will be taking off.  Momma works on the weekend as her full-time and works during the week at the office.  So Momma will be using nearly all of her vacation time to stay with Daddy in Durham on the weekends and she and I will trade off during the week with her staying with Daddy for 3 days, and I stay with him the other 2.  It will be hectic 3-4 weeks, and lonely, because the nights that I'll be with Daddy Stephen will be off from work.  But you know what?  It'll be okay.  And Stephen is okay with it and understands.

I hope Daddy doesn't hurt too much with the neupogen and chemo.  I think that will be the toughest part of it.  And I hope that this transplant will kick him into remission and we can be done with this ugly business.  They were given a blog address today during his orientation so I'm excited about using that to update his progress for our family and friends.  I will also be keeping this one up as well!

Thanks for listening!



30 Days Of Jessica...Day 15

A picture of something you want to do before you die.

This, ladies and gents is a cello.  It has some of the most beautiful, soulful and haunting music you may ever hear.  And I have promised myself to learn to play before I die - I know it may not be well, but I will do it...even if it is just one note!



30 Days Of Jessica...Day 14

A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Look at my baby!  I swear he makes me smile. 

Funny, this is his first truck.  It has no heating, no air, the brakes are bad and as you can see from the towel in the picture, the interior leaves much to be desired.  He still has that thing and has just as much pride in that old truck than he did the day he bought it; he's actually bought another like it and Daddy gave me his old one...so we have THREE!  All in my backyard, too.  Looking like a used car lot. 

Anyway...I digress.  As I've stated before I think, when I had to tell you about my spouse, Stephen is the best thing that has happened to me in my short life.  Our relationship has been difficult at times, but there is nothing that I regret about it.
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Remember a few days ago where I mentioned my rationalization about "baby on the brain"?  Yeah, well that ain't working out so great for me.  Megan felt the baby kick for the first time late last week, I'm hormonal with my period (yeah, I know y'all wanted to know that) and with her 20week ultrasound coming up I guess I should have seen this coming.  AND I was watching the seasonal finale of Bones Thursday night, and for those of you don't know what the episode was about, Angela gave birth to a baby boy.  That was an extremely difficult night for me.  Momma, God bless her, even came over after it went off and held me while I cried.  I'm better since then but it will still be hard for me to wait another 3 months before we start trying again.  Yeah, yeah I know that things aren't quite right for us to have a baby now:  Daddy's stem-cell transplant in July, the "renovations" on our house, our vacation to Aruba in October, and getting my parents moved into another house at/around the time of his transplant...but damn this is hard.  Any suggestions anyone?

Okay, I'm done being pitiful.
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I booked our "weekend getaway" this week that I won with getting employee of the year.  I let Stephen choose.  He chose the Richmond Hill Inn in Asheville.  We've never been there and have never seen the Biltmore Estate.  The pictures on the website are beautiful and I can't wait.  We'll be staying Thursday and Friday night, but Stephen is off all weekend so we'll still be able to spend plenty of time together.  We also get  $200 for traveling expenses so it'll be even better not having to come out of pocket.  *I'm so cheap*

Also, Stephen is taking off a lot of extended weekends coming up here soon that he's planning on using to make some serious headway with the house.  I just hope that he doesn't sleep the entire weekend!  lol  That's okay...with my nagging (hey, what are wives for?) it shouldn't be that much of an issue.  I'll let you know!

A little update...

It's been SUCH a crazy day!  Our schedule was busy (no surprise there with the full moon) but on top of that we had two admissions and almost a third when one of our patients began having a panic attack when she got in the car and her airways were pretty damn close to closing.  Luckily the patient wasn't alone and her sister came back upstairs (yeah, we're on the 2nd floor) to get some nurses.  Tammy was able to calm the patient down enough to let her go, but she should have been admitted...she refused.  Then, Jennifer hasn't been feeling well the past few days and even started having contractions over the weekend.  None of us think she'll make it til next week.  And each of the exam rooms in the office have a pull-out shelf to place papers, equipment, etc but a couple of the docs like to put their laptops on it.  Well, one of the shelves fell.  With the laptop sitting on it.  And he still had patients.  And we only use electronic medical records, no paper. 

To all of you I'm sure this doesn't sound like much "craziness" but in our little universe that's quite a bit.
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The other day I was driving home from work and was coming down this big hill on our road that has kudzu ground-cover.  Anyway I occasionally see a beaver in the kudzu wandering around but this particular day I was at the top of the hill when I saw a brown lump on the side of the road.  I instinctively slowed down and as I got closer I saw that it was a momma with two babies!  She was carrying one in her mouth (ouch, right?) and one was following her.  That baby was SO stinking cute waddling behind it's momma looking like a little brown ball of fluff. 
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I just finished constructing the favor boxes for Jenn's baby shower tomorrow after work and I got to thinking.  Somehow I always become the person who oversees these types of things.  From Megan's bridal shower, to Tammy's birthday party, to Leigh's wedding and now this.  Not that I'm complaining - much.  It does suck that when the plans are still in the discussion stage everyone seems all excited and rearing to go, but when the plans need to start turning into actions the players begin falling off one-by-one.  I don't want Jennifer to feel that her "event" isn't as important as someone else's because people don't want to participate or help.  Ah well.  Probably just the rantings of a pre-menstrual female who feels engulfed by pregnancy and birth.  ;o)
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I went to my parents' house tonight for dinner.  Momma gave me the "tentative calendar" for Daddy's upcoming stem cell transplant.  Poor Daddy, it's gonna be tough.  Not only do they/we have to travel to Duke Hospital for about 7-8 days before the actual transplant, but he will be admitted to an actual unit within the hospital (a fact we didn't know til now) before he can be moved to the apartment that will house him and Momma and I for the 3 weeks following.  The whole treatment begins at the middle/end of June, but the transplant is tentatively scheduled for July 7.  Since it's not an actual surgery I know that he'll do absolutely fine, but I do worry about his pain management because he will be on a lot of chemo and nupigen (a stem cell generator that causes him a lot of bone pain) - he's a silent sufferer, and sometimes those are the ones that make you hurt for them the most.  Wish us luck!
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Oh yeah, I found a great quote a couple of weeks ago that I would like to share with you.  I feel that it can be applied to everyone, not just myself.

"Scars tell where you've been; they don't have to dictate where you're going."

Pretty good one, huh?

30 Days Of Jessica...Day 13

A picture of your favorite band or artist.

There is no way that I could possibly designate ONE particular band or artist as my favorite.  I couldn't even narrow them down to a top 5 or 10.  My taste in music is as varied as the stars in the sky.  I listen to everything from Aerosmith to Michael Jackson; 50 Cent and Beyonce to Kesha and Backstreet Boys (yeah, I was one of those girls) and from Beethoven to B.B. King.  My iPod is packed with all the genres, and none of them are ever neglected for long.

Baby on the brain

I know I'm 'bout ready to have something else occupy my mind for a while!  So...I have added a couple of "tickers" to this blog to help divert my attention a little.  There's no use in getting all wrapped up in that frame of mind when the hubby isn't ready.  Besides, this just isn't my time - the focus should be on Jennifer and Megan (though it will shift completely to Meg when Jenn goes out for maternity leave in the next few weeks) and when it's my time, the focus will be on me.

Let's see how long this rationalization lasts!  *eye-roll*

30 Days Of Jessica...Day 12

A picture of your future house.

This style is called Greek Revival.  I can just see this sitting out in the middle of a large flat yard with trees dotting the landscape and rocking chairs sitting on the deep porch.  My dream house doesn't have to be large...Stephen and I are actually more comfortable in a smaller home.  I just need it to feel comfortable, homey, unassuming, family-oriented.  I want a house that all of my family wants to come to for holidays and get-togethers; a house that I can raise my children in and that my grandkids can't wait to come see grandma in.  I hope to one day own a home that can fulfill all of these hopes and dreams.

P.S.

Is it just me or do most of these "days" seem to be geared more young people like teenagers?  Oh well.

30 Days Of Jessica...Day 11

A picture of something you hate.

 

OMG!  I can handle snakes (though they are scary as crap) and other bugs, but SPIDERS?!?  No way!  I can't them...just looking at this picture creeps me out.



Excited...

Well as April came to a close and May began, Stephen and I realized that if we are really serious about taking a big vacation for our anniversary, then we'd better shake a leg and book it.  So...

Today at lunch I made the reservations for our flight, hotel and rental car to Aruba!  YAY!  I'm so super excited that I can barely stand it!  It feels good to get my mind off the normal things that seem to be bombarding my brain here lately.  Well not really a break, just a change of scenery.  =o)  Anyway, we're scheduled to leave on Monday October 10 and return Thursday October 20.  Nice and long.  I swear I don't know what I'm gonna do with all that relaxation time, white sandy beach and blue ocean!  I have a brochure that talks about all of the activities: scuba diving with reefs and ship wrecks, windsurfing, horseback riding along the beach, kayaking - we're gonna do it all.  Well, that's if we even make it onto/off of the plane...neither of us have ever flown before.  EEEKS!  And we had to choose for the first time to be a 7 hour flight over a nice chunk of ocean!  Lord have mercy.  But scared or not, this little trip is setting me back a little ways in the bank, so like it or not, we're getting on that damn plane...and be happy about it too!  Now all I have to do is coordinate when we can deposit our tax refund (doesn't help with the whole cost, but does put a nice little dent in it), get our passports, get extra things like a new camera (plus one for underwater pics), lose weight so I can be bikini ready (what the hell, I'd go anyway) and SAVE SAVE SAVE.  I know there's going to be a lot of extra little fees that I'm not aware of like carry-on baggage, parking in the airport lot if we don't have someone to drop us off, passports, eating and playing in Aruba and shopping for summer wardrobes for us both.  Not to mention the house renovations that we're constantly, if not slowly, working on.  It'll be tough but I'm good at saving money so it'll be fine.  AND Meg's due like 2 days after we get back...and she knows damn well she better not have that baby while I'm gone!  =o)

Bye for now!

30 Days Of Jessica...Day 10

A picture of your most treasured item.

This is my wedding ring, well plus another band on top for our anniversary last year.  Stephen and I went ring shopping before he proposed, and I remember how mad he got because I was looking at every ring that I liked...without much regard for the cost.  Now I wasn't foolish enough to want the most expensive or biggest ring, I just wanted to look at and try on everything that appealed to me.  When I saw this one though, I knew without a doubt that it was for me.  It wasn't the least expensive that I could find, but by far the most.  Stephen was happy with the price and I received the timeless elegant ring that I always wanted.

Anyway, I chose my wedding ring(s) simply because of what it represents.  Commitment, loyalty, love, family, faith.  Stephen and I have been together 11 years this last April, and married for 2 1/2; we lived together for 5 years before we got marreid.  I love my ring and everything it stands for.  I do wish, though, this wasn't one of the days that I have to write about.  Stephen and I try not to place too much value in material things.  We live modestly, don't strive to have the best of everything but do work hard to own everything we buy...from our vehicles, to our furniture and home(s).