We finally got our phone and internet back up! We've been doing some remodeling in the kitchen/dining room and had to move our computer. My previous posts have been written at my parents' house or work. A lot of progress and major changes have been made and I'll post some pictures when we're done.
Anyway, there's lots going on at the home-front:
I haven't told you but Daddy has multiple myeloma. He was diagnosed in 2009 around his 60th birthday. The initial diagnosis didn't hit us very hard, but he became hypercalcemic shortly after which caused some major confusion and hullicinations for a couple of weeks, requiring a stay at the hospital. Now, a year-and-a-half later we're on the threshold of remission and planning for him to have a bone-marrow stem cell transplant in July. He will be out of work for 3 months (he is owner/operator of Scales Auto Repair) and will require 3 weeks of continual care post-op. Luckily Duke has apartments near the hospital and Momma and I will take turns staying with him. There's a long road ahead of us all, but hopefully it will end well. He's a strong man with a strong support system.
Nathan, my 18 year old brother, will be graduating soon and I can't believe it. He's planning on going into the Coast Guard soon after and I'll miss him like crazy. We didn't get along well growing up (we're 8 years apart) but our relationship has really grown in the last few years. Tonight when I went to my parents' house for my routine Tuesday dinner night, I found out that Nathan had his first day at work for Advance Auto Parts. Honestly, it hurts like hell that I wasn't told about it. I realize that we all have had a lot going on the past few days (Nathan lost his pet, Spike, a bearded dragon yesterday) but it makes me feel really left out and unimportant that I wasn't told. I thought we were closer than that. I even came home and cried to Stephen about it tonight before he went to work. Stephen thinks I need to tell Nate about it, but I think I'll end up just letting it go. Is it really that big a deal? I don't quite know.
A few months ago I was having a lot of trouble with my self-image. Mind you, this is something I've been struggling with for years. I thought that when I lost weight (I was 215-218, got down to 140 for my wedding and now sustaining at 160-165, but would like to get down to 150) that I would look the way that I always wanted to. Unfortunately, I didn't. Anyway, after some searching on the internet on ways to change your self-image without paying a professional I found that repeating phrases 40 times in a row for 40 days will change your subconscious. So I tried it. I can't remember exactly what they were (sayings like "I love my body" and "I am sexy") but I can honestly say that after approximately 40 days I no longer looked at myself with negative thoughts. It worked! Well it hit me a few days ago that I need to start doing "my mantras" again, only this time I'm including "I will not feel sorry for myself." This one is especially poignant with Meg's pregnancy. Remember how happy I was Friday? Well Saturday the happiness had faded to the background and the self-pity had resurfaced. I refuse to let myself drown in pity! I know that I will be pregnant again. And as much as I would love for it to happen N-O-W, I want the house fixed up some more and we're planning a big trip to Aruba for our 3rd anniversay and I would like to still be semi-cute in a bikini. But I can't lie, it's hard to be happy for her all the time and it's especially hard to hear her whine and complain when I would love to be where she it right now (note: I would be 20 weeks this week). Its an ongoing struggle...sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough.
Thanks for listening...
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