Katie brought McKenzie to work today (she had the day off). You wanna talk about a sweet baby!?! Man, I don't think that child did hardly anything except grin and laugh the whole time. I tell ya, I would consider myself blessed to even have a child, but doubly so to have one with such a sweet temperament. I even got to hold her the longest. *wink* Not gonna lie though, it did make me a little sad.
Tomorrow is the Excellence Banquet for Cone. Little did you know, but I was nominated for Employee of the Year for LeBauer. Yay me (sarcasm). Not that I'm not proud or anything, but I got nominated for the GEM for cleaning a dirty bathroom after a patient and subsequently nominated for EOY for said deed. While it's an honor, I did that crap (literally) nearly every week when I was a tech at the hospital. It kind of feels like I'm mocking my past. But I will be awarded with a $500 check, and a weekend getaway for two at the banquet and I can park at the building for the year. Not a bad deal, actually. I'm nervous about tomorrow night because I feel uncomfortable with so much attention...and I have to get on stage. EWW. I'll be letting you know that goes.
Great quote I just heard on TV: "...the thing is, when you focus so long on the things you don't love, you forget the things you do. And that list is so much longer." ~ I really like that.
Oh yeah, and I found this awesome necklace that I really want on fogcitycharms.com. They put a word of your choice from a vintage dictionary behind a small piece of glass on a chain. I'm totally going to get one but can't figure out what word I want. I'm struggling with a word that describes me vs. a word I want to strive to be. Hmmm...
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Hmmm...
We finally got our phone and internet back up! We've been doing some remodeling in the kitchen/dining room and had to move our computer. My previous posts have been written at my parents' house or work. A lot of progress and major changes have been made and I'll post some pictures when we're done.
Anyway, there's lots going on at the home-front:
I haven't told you but Daddy has multiple myeloma. He was diagnosed in 2009 around his 60th birthday. The initial diagnosis didn't hit us very hard, but he became hypercalcemic shortly after which caused some major confusion and hullicinations for a couple of weeks, requiring a stay at the hospital. Now, a year-and-a-half later we're on the threshold of remission and planning for him to have a bone-marrow stem cell transplant in July. He will be out of work for 3 months (he is owner/operator of Scales Auto Repair) and will require 3 weeks of continual care post-op. Luckily Duke has apartments near the hospital and Momma and I will take turns staying with him. There's a long road ahead of us all, but hopefully it will end well. He's a strong man with a strong support system.
Nathan, my 18 year old brother, will be graduating soon and I can't believe it. He's planning on going into the Coast Guard soon after and I'll miss him like crazy. We didn't get along well growing up (we're 8 years apart) but our relationship has really grown in the last few years. Tonight when I went to my parents' house for my routine Tuesday dinner night, I found out that Nathan had his first day at work for Advance Auto Parts. Honestly, it hurts like hell that I wasn't told about it. I realize that we all have had a lot going on the past few days (Nathan lost his pet, Spike, a bearded dragon yesterday) but it makes me feel really left out and unimportant that I wasn't told. I thought we were closer than that. I even came home and cried to Stephen about it tonight before he went to work. Stephen thinks I need to tell Nate about it, but I think I'll end up just letting it go. Is it really that big a deal? I don't quite know.
A few months ago I was having a lot of trouble with my self-image. Mind you, this is something I've been struggling with for years. I thought that when I lost weight (I was 215-218, got down to 140 for my wedding and now sustaining at 160-165, but would like to get down to 150) that I would look the way that I always wanted to. Unfortunately, I didn't. Anyway, after some searching on the internet on ways to change your self-image without paying a professional I found that repeating phrases 40 times in a row for 40 days will change your subconscious. So I tried it. I can't remember exactly what they were (sayings like "I love my body" and "I am sexy") but I can honestly say that after approximately 40 days I no longer looked at myself with negative thoughts. It worked! Well it hit me a few days ago that I need to start doing "my mantras" again, only this time I'm including "I will not feel sorry for myself." This one is especially poignant with Meg's pregnancy. Remember how happy I was Friday? Well Saturday the happiness had faded to the background and the self-pity had resurfaced. I refuse to let myself drown in pity! I know that I will be pregnant again. And as much as I would love for it to happen N-O-W, I want the house fixed up some more and we're planning a big trip to Aruba for our 3rd anniversay and I would like to still be semi-cute in a bikini. But I can't lie, it's hard to be happy for her all the time and it's especially hard to hear her whine and complain when I would love to be where she it right now (note: I would be 20 weeks this week). Its an ongoing struggle...sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough.
Thanks for listening...
Anyway, there's lots going on at the home-front:
I haven't told you but Daddy has multiple myeloma. He was diagnosed in 2009 around his 60th birthday. The initial diagnosis didn't hit us very hard, but he became hypercalcemic shortly after which caused some major confusion and hullicinations for a couple of weeks, requiring a stay at the hospital. Now, a year-and-a-half later we're on the threshold of remission and planning for him to have a bone-marrow stem cell transplant in July. He will be out of work for 3 months (he is owner/operator of Scales Auto Repair) and will require 3 weeks of continual care post-op. Luckily Duke has apartments near the hospital and Momma and I will take turns staying with him. There's a long road ahead of us all, but hopefully it will end well. He's a strong man with a strong support system.
Nathan, my 18 year old brother, will be graduating soon and I can't believe it. He's planning on going into the Coast Guard soon after and I'll miss him like crazy. We didn't get along well growing up (we're 8 years apart) but our relationship has really grown in the last few years. Tonight when I went to my parents' house for my routine Tuesday dinner night, I found out that Nathan had his first day at work for Advance Auto Parts. Honestly, it hurts like hell that I wasn't told about it. I realize that we all have had a lot going on the past few days (Nathan lost his pet, Spike, a bearded dragon yesterday) but it makes me feel really left out and unimportant that I wasn't told. I thought we were closer than that. I even came home and cried to Stephen about it tonight before he went to work. Stephen thinks I need to tell Nate about it, but I think I'll end up just letting it go. Is it really that big a deal? I don't quite know.
A few months ago I was having a lot of trouble with my self-image. Mind you, this is something I've been struggling with for years. I thought that when I lost weight (I was 215-218, got down to 140 for my wedding and now sustaining at 160-165, but would like to get down to 150) that I would look the way that I always wanted to. Unfortunately, I didn't. Anyway, after some searching on the internet on ways to change your self-image without paying a professional I found that repeating phrases 40 times in a row for 40 days will change your subconscious. So I tried it. I can't remember exactly what they were (sayings like "I love my body" and "I am sexy") but I can honestly say that after approximately 40 days I no longer looked at myself with negative thoughts. It worked! Well it hit me a few days ago that I need to start doing "my mantras" again, only this time I'm including "I will not feel sorry for myself." This one is especially poignant with Meg's pregnancy. Remember how happy I was Friday? Well Saturday the happiness had faded to the background and the self-pity had resurfaced. I refuse to let myself drown in pity! I know that I will be pregnant again. And as much as I would love for it to happen N-O-W, I want the house fixed up some more and we're planning a big trip to Aruba for our 3rd anniversay and I would like to still be semi-cute in a bikini. But I can't lie, it's hard to be happy for her all the time and it's especially hard to hear her whine and complain when I would love to be where she it right now (note: I would be 20 weeks this week). Its an ongoing struggle...sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough.
Thanks for listening...
Friday, March 25, 2011
A good surprise...
Friday! YAY! This has been quite a long week...a normalcy the past couple of weeks. Work didn't start out the greatest: we had a pharmaceutical check and got a couple of dings - not good. Luckily the nurses' station that I work at wasn't one of the culprits. Still, we all had to have a "pow wow" after work. Blah.
As for that good surprise...
Since I've just begun this blog I know that my background is still a secret. I intend to rectify that here soon. Anyway, a little history lesson to describe the surprise.
My husband and I unexpectedly became pregnant this past November (we weren't planning to try until October of this year). I was totally surprised but increasingly excited as the days passed. At my 8/9week appointment which included the confirmation ultrasound, Stephen and I were told that the baby measured at 5 weeks 5 days. At first we thought that we had miscalculated some how with the conception date and we had to wait about 30 minutes for the OB/GYN to enter the exam room to inform us that I was going to miscarry. I had been carrying my "dead" baby around for 3 weeks; devastation was the understatement of the century in that moment. That was January 14th...the hardest day of my life to date. I decided to wait for my body to miscarry naturally and it didn't happen until around February 2nd. Needless to say that was a pretty rough night. Luckily Momma came over at 3:00 that morning to be with me.
Exactly one week later, I found out that my best friend Megan was pregnant (this girl has been wanting a baby for like 2 years. She was a little hurt when I announced my pregnancy and had asked if it was okay if she and Bill, her husband, continued with their plan to begin trying at the beginning of 2011. Of course I told her that it would be unfair for them to post-pone their plans because Stephen and I had such unexpected news). That had to be one of the most emotional days of my life. Meg had even asked me to announce her news to the office for her. It was understandably hard for me, but I chose not to say "no" because she doesn't have any family here to share this exciting experience with and I am, after all, her best friend.
The weeks have passed by pretty quickly since then, as far as her pregnancy is concerned: I have been taking "belly pictures" of her every 2 weeks since that first day; her 5 weeks 5 days point; her confirmation ultrasound which included a showing of her ultrasound photo; her telling me about creating a pregnancy blog and today...her baby bump appeared!
I was honestly worried stupid that I wouldn't be able to handle the showing of her baby bump. But surprisingly I was perfectly fine! She walked by my desk this afternoon (she had been wearing a t-shirt with her scrub pants today because she was in triage, but had been wearing a lab coat all day) and I immediately stopped her. I called her to me and began squealing with delight and rubbing her little belly. I was absolutely thrilled to see that little pooch...the baby has been named Piglet (mine was Ducky, named by Meg). As excited as I am for her baby bump, I know that a good portion of my excitement is because I was worried that I would be upset when she began showing. Megan doesn't have any family here; they all live in Minnesota where she's from. And the first few days of her pregnancy weren't the happy ones that she deserved because everyone was mad or upset since it was just 1 week after my miscarriage. A woman's pregnancy is supposed to be a happy and excited time and I fully intend to contribute to that as much as I possibly can.
As ready as I am to be pregnant again (I got a taste of it and I want it again) I don't want to take anything away from her and the attention that she deserves. She says that she wants me to be pregnant with her, something that we've discussed countless times since we've met, but I don't want my "time" to be forced. I've left the decision up to Stephen about when we start trying. I won't lie and say that I want to wait until October like we originally planned, but I'm not going to press him into it or make him feel guilty just appease me. Besides, we're trying to do some renovations to the house that I would like done - or close to it - before I get pregnant again.
Well I suppose that I've talked about myself enough for one night. Stick around if you want, there's more to come.
As for that good surprise...
Since I've just begun this blog I know that my background is still a secret. I intend to rectify that here soon. Anyway, a little history lesson to describe the surprise.
My husband and I unexpectedly became pregnant this past November (we weren't planning to try until October of this year). I was totally surprised but increasingly excited as the days passed. At my 8/9week appointment which included the confirmation ultrasound, Stephen and I were told that the baby measured at 5 weeks 5 days. At first we thought that we had miscalculated some how with the conception date and we had to wait about 30 minutes for the OB/GYN to enter the exam room to inform us that I was going to miscarry. I had been carrying my "dead" baby around for 3 weeks; devastation was the understatement of the century in that moment. That was January 14th...the hardest day of my life to date. I decided to wait for my body to miscarry naturally and it didn't happen until around February 2nd. Needless to say that was a pretty rough night. Luckily Momma came over at 3:00 that morning to be with me.
Exactly one week later, I found out that my best friend Megan was pregnant (this girl has been wanting a baby for like 2 years. She was a little hurt when I announced my pregnancy and had asked if it was okay if she and Bill, her husband, continued with their plan to begin trying at the beginning of 2011. Of course I told her that it would be unfair for them to post-pone their plans because Stephen and I had such unexpected news). That had to be one of the most emotional days of my life. Meg had even asked me to announce her news to the office for her. It was understandably hard for me, but I chose not to say "no" because she doesn't have any family here to share this exciting experience with and I am, after all, her best friend.
The weeks have passed by pretty quickly since then, as far as her pregnancy is concerned: I have been taking "belly pictures" of her every 2 weeks since that first day; her 5 weeks 5 days point; her confirmation ultrasound which included a showing of her ultrasound photo; her telling me about creating a pregnancy blog and today...her baby bump appeared!
I was honestly worried stupid that I wouldn't be able to handle the showing of her baby bump. But surprisingly I was perfectly fine! She walked by my desk this afternoon (she had been wearing a t-shirt with her scrub pants today because she was in triage, but had been wearing a lab coat all day) and I immediately stopped her. I called her to me and began squealing with delight and rubbing her little belly. I was absolutely thrilled to see that little pooch...the baby has been named Piglet (mine was Ducky, named by Meg). As excited as I am for her baby bump, I know that a good portion of my excitement is because I was worried that I would be upset when she began showing. Megan doesn't have any family here; they all live in Minnesota where she's from. And the first few days of her pregnancy weren't the happy ones that she deserved because everyone was mad or upset since it was just 1 week after my miscarriage. A woman's pregnancy is supposed to be a happy and excited time and I fully intend to contribute to that as much as I possibly can.
As ready as I am to be pregnant again (I got a taste of it and I want it again) I don't want to take anything away from her and the attention that she deserves. She says that she wants me to be pregnant with her, something that we've discussed countless times since we've met, but I don't want my "time" to be forced. I've left the decision up to Stephen about when we start trying. I won't lie and say that I want to wait until October like we originally planned, but I'm not going to press him into it or make him feel guilty just appease me. Besides, we're trying to do some renovations to the house that I would like done - or close to it - before I get pregnant again.
Well I suppose that I've talked about myself enough for one night. Stick around if you want, there's more to come.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Never thought I'd do this...
Well I must say, this is a bit of surprise for myself - I never thought I'd find myself doing a blog. But my friend Megan began one a few weeks ago when she found out she was pregnant...a good idea for her because her family is all in Minnesota. I thought it was kind of "froo froo" for her to have one, but if you knew Meg you wouldn't be at all surprised. Well the joke's on me! The more I thought about it the better I liked the idea. I've always been interested in journaling (with many failed attempts) and figured that this would be a pretty neat way to journal my thoughts and feelings. So we'll see. =o)
Instead of writing a hugely long paragraph about myself and my history, I've decided to do something similar to the profile page of the website. So, instead of one long paragraph at least there will be some breaks in the reading and everything will be a little more organized. Who knows if anyone will ever read this thing but at least I have my own little corner in cyberspace that will always exist. I'll try not to let this turn into one big bitch-fest.
Be back later with more!
Instead of writing a hugely long paragraph about myself and my history, I've decided to do something similar to the profile page of the website. So, instead of one long paragraph at least there will be some breaks in the reading and everything will be a little more organized. Who knows if anyone will ever read this thing but at least I have my own little corner in cyberspace that will always exist. I'll try not to let this turn into one big bitch-fest.
Be back later with more!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)